Our Policies
Our current politicians, with all their smiles, have got it completely wrong. Common sense solutions are needed to common problems like the rain, sustainable currency, and achieving full unemployment. Finding things for people to do under our imposed system will be imperative, but we’ve never backed down from a challenge.
OUR PLAN FOR THE ECONOMY
Our plan for the economy is simple, and it is a solution often overlooked by our current politicians.
Read More★ The Silly Hat Party will make chocolate fish legal tender, replacing the New Zealand Dollar.
What has become increasingly clear is that New Zealand has become reliant on the international market too much. The likes of the USA and Australia dictate our economy more than we would like to admit.
We have an abundance of kai moana in this land, and should have enough chocolate (see our climate change plan for more).
★ Renaming 'Gross Domestic Product (GDP)' to 'good domestic product'
It has become clear to us, by way of a dream, that the word 'gross' is off-putting. To combat negativity and punching down, this renaming is vital.★ Reconnecting Stewart Island to the rest of the country will boost the local economy and give us something to do when jobs are finally gone. A bridge and road right over the top of Invercargill is the most efficient way to achieve this and avoid contracting any irreversible health problems.
“It’s not punching down if they were literally named the poo town of New Zealand,” said Party King Flynn Nisvett.
★ A wealthy families fund will see the top 311 families continue to pay less effective tax than minimum wage workers. Currently, the top 311 families in this country pay 8.9% tax, which is less than the bottom tax bracket of 10.5%.
Keeping the wealth in the hands of the few will ensure that the transition towards chocolate fish and replacing the NZD is easier for the bottom 99% of people. If people have less money it will be easier to transition.
Wealthy people have it the toughest, and we recognise this.
★ Giving Graeme Hart the rest of the government’s assets. When the government privatised the Government Printing Office and let Graeme Hart, NZ’s richest man, buy it with the profits he made from it, they were really onto something. Simply giving away government assets and letting someone pay it off with the excess profits is genius.
★ The Silly Hat Party will follow David Seymour Thought and make public health a secret by giving it to Kim Dotcom and letting him pay it back. But we won’t tell anyone and we’ll let him stay in the country.
OUR PLAN FOR DEFENCE
The first step to maintaining our Nation’s independence is to ensure all of the competition is gone.
Read More★ We will force all citizens to swear to support Aotearoa in our sporting ventures. Swearing allegiance to the Silver Ferns, All Blacks, and Black Caps, among others, will be mandated. A similar model to the Australian 501 scheme will be implemented for any supporters for an Australian team in a sporting venue on our shores. The Irish will be exempt from such measures.
★ Declaring war on sandflies and other small, winged pests. When elected, the New Zealand Silly Hat Party will declare war on sandflies both rurally and in the cities.
To do this, we plan to increase penalties for flying.
These measures include:
- Anti-fly netting in between the anti-homeless human public seating and arm rests.
- Giving police the right to remove and seize wings from flies, as well as anything considered shelter from the cold or wet.
- Monthly protests at the beach against sandflies.
★ Sanctioning any country doing better than us because they must have done something fishy to do better than a little capitalist country.
BETTER WEATHER FOR AOTEAROA
Our plan for better weather across the motu.
Read More★ Warmer weather for Dunedin
Only the Silly Hat Party has a comprehensive plan to make Dunedin warmer, attracting tropical fish and new members of our community.
This means:
- > Carpeting all roads.
- > Heaters on every street corner.
- > Knitting a large blanket to lay over Dunedin during winter months.
- > Getting Rachel Brooking a new coat.
★ Better weather for our capital
Bad weather is the bane of our capital's existence.
Our four-point plan to restore good weather to Wellington will see the capital as a place worth visiting once again. It might make our Members of Parliament happier too.
- > A National inquiry into who controls the weather and where they're doing it from.
- > The rest of the plan will be released once this first step is complete.
RESTORING DEMOCRACY
In 1893, Kiwi women won the right to vote. Our nation has a long history of defending, imposing, and doing away with democracy. We will be no different.
Read More★ To carry on the legacy of the former, the Silly Hat Party will give domestic animals universal suffrage. This means that sheep within 100 metres of homes, dogs, cats, and guinea pigs will finally be able to have their say every three years. Many of the government’s decisions impact our pets just as much as they impact us. Enough is enough.
★ The legacy of the middle will see the disestablishing of parliament and replacing it with Instagram story polls. This will ensure direct democracy through decision-making in a modern landscape. There will also be an appointed King of the Pacific, Tasman, Cook, and Foveaux Straits to oversee over the sea.
★ And for the latter, the Silly Hat Party will be carrying on the tradition of ignoring the foundations of our country (including the relevant historcal context). How are we supposed to know whether Māori, at a ratio of 40:1 against Pākehā, ceded sovereignty in 1840 and gave up hundreds of years of tradition just to make some bank? We simply were not there, so we will be ignoring 180 years of academics, lawyers, and people who have dedicated their lives to finding this out.
“Why should we suddenly listen to the people who understand the context of our countrys’ foundations? Why would we now dismantle the system if we, as descendents of the oppressing force, still benefit from that legacy?”
To protect those in power, we will ensure all politicians are as far away as possible from Waitangi Day celebrations, in line with Christopher Luxon’s approach in 2025. It’s imperative that the status quo stays so we don’t disrupt the exploitative system our politicians benefit from. ★ 'I don't mind' option when voting. Under the Silly Hat Party, we will pass legislation to make an ‘I don’t mind’ box an option when voting. At least 20% of Kiwis aren’t voting during general elections. We know this is because of the similarity between the current parties. We predict this will result in record-high voter turnout.★ Renaming the Tasman Sea the 'Gulf of New Zealand'
★ Taking back Dunedin from Rachel Brooking
Rachel Brooking is lovely, though she has to go. Under the Labour Party's rule, the weather in Ōtepoti has been increasignly inconsistent and inconsiderate. The local Green MPs, similarly lovely, are also letting us down. It's time we took on the big guys and took Dunedin back.
FIFTY YEARS OF FUN
Dunedin, aside from the cold, has many other issues that have gone unaddressed. Namely, humour has become extreme and illegal. The Critic is now the only outlet brave enough to attempt a joke, and even then they’re falling short.
Read More★ In order to restore humility and good banter, the Silly Hat Party’s 50 years of fun policy will bring down the average ego of ‘I’m better than them over there’ and legalise comedy after the left decided to ban it all those years ago. “I haven’t heard a good joke since Ardern’s karen one,” said a Dunedin local.
50 years of fun entails military-style clown camps to remind people what comedy really is and how to punch up instead of down.
Silly Hat Party is the voice for whatever, whenever - and this is how we achieve this.
OUR PLAN FOR EDUCATION
For far too long, our tamariki have been going to school for 13 years of their lives. In line with our full unemployment and school lunch program for under 65s, we will reform education.
Read More★ Banning decimal numbers. Wokeness has taken over our institutions and schools. The Silly Hat Party, when elected in 2018, will ban woke. Scrapping decimal numbers will see kids able to count properly and wholly.
★ An investigation into what ‘woke’ is. If we’re going to be scared of wokeness, we need to know what it is.
★ Mansplaining instead of ‘teaching’ will see wokeness gone.
★ Half an hour naps every hour will give the future generations no chance at being woke.
★ School lunches for all under-65s. This will see the school lunch debacle solved.